


Except he does. - Phan. (Drabble)

by SimplySonny



Category: Amazingphil - Fandom, Danisnotonfire - Fandom, Phan
Genre: Angst, Cutting, Depression, Fiction, M/M, Possible triggering, SADSADSAD, Suicide, Suicide mentions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-27
Updated: 2013-12-27
Packaged: 2018-01-06 08:44:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1104805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SimplySonny/pseuds/SimplySonny
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Goodbye Internet"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Except he does. - Phan. (Drabble)

_I miss you._  
 _Come back._  
 _I need you._

Dan wore a blank expression as he wrote in his diary for the umpteenth time this week, and yeah, okay. Maybe people would of taken the piss out on him because he has a secret diary under his pillow, but. After knowing what Dan's been through, no one mentioned it at all. It had been 2 months, and maybe that wouldn't have mattered that much, if it wasn't the exact day, on the exact hour that it happened.  
And by 'it' I do not mean the exact day of the exact hour that Phil had jumped off a bridge onto rocks and undoubtedly to his confirmed death.  
Except I do, so.  
~  
 _Why'd you leave me? Pj and Chris try to make me feel better. but they try to take my diary away from me. They say it's unhealthy. Please get them off my case._  
 _They keep saying I should see a professional. Why do they keep saying that? I just want to talk to you._

Dan put his diary away quickly at the sound of footsteps near his door.  
"Dan? Me and Chris are going to get lunch, please come?" Dan rolled his eyes and stayed quiet in response. How could he do something like that? It was always him and Phil that used to go to lunch, that used to ask the others if they wanted to join. How dare they invite him to lunch knowing exactly that that's what him and Phil used to do.  
All Dan heard was a sigh and the footsteps got further away, until he heard the main door shut. He stood up slowly and with shaky hands, turned on the camera.  
"Hello internet."  
Dan took a shaky breath and stared into the lens of the camera, swallowing the lump in his throat.  
"You all know what happened, yeah? Of course you do. I-" he cut himself off.  
"I just have one very important announcement, okay? Please don't hold this against me."  
"As you all know, my best friend Phil committed suicide 2 months ago exactly. And you all know how it affected me. Thank you for all your support, but. I don't think I can do this anymore. Phil was my rock, you know? I'd had a crush on him since 2009, and I just." he took a deep breath. "I can't do this without him. He was the reason I _started_ youtube, you know? and It-It feels wrong to do it without him. so without further adue, I present to you; my last ever Youtube video." Dan closed his eyes for what felt like eternity, he wasn't going to cry.  
"I love you all so much, thank you for such an amazing experience. Don't miss me."  
Dan could go on for hours talking about his appreciation, but he had something he had to do.  
"For the last time, this is Dan Howell saying; Goodbye Internet." He sighed and turned off the camera, and he'll be fucked if he's going to edit this video. He uploaded it to his channel and gazed at his progress one last time, before closing the laptop.  
 _I'll be with you soon. And you know what? I love you._

And Dan certainly does not end up standing on the edge of a bridge, blood trickling down his arm, smiling softly to himself, before jumping and joining his beloved Phil.  
Except he does, so.

**Author's Note:**

> This is probably bullshit that I will regret in the morning.


End file.
